Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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