I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
