By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
