Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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