You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
