Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
