you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
