so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
