So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
