i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
