We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
