Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
