Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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