there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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