Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
