Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
