i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
