I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize