I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize