if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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