If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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