Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
