when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
