The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
