We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
