she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize