Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
