Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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