My underwear smells like fireworks.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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