over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
