"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize