He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
