what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
