they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Come see our sink grown plant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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