everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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