I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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