This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize