is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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