We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
