Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want to fling myself into the sun
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
