Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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