Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
