My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
