The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
