By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
