ADVERTISEMENT

• (720): View more from Colorado

  i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  what

  (720): View more from Colorado

  nvm

  Fav 2 1023 1157

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?

  Fav 11 931 2938

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (719): View more from Colorado

  If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.

  Fav 25 4985 1298

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

  Fav 12 4371 1763

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�

  Fav 3 1001 642

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.

  Fav 3 1229 508

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?

  Fav 2 668 526

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.

  Fav 2 687 563

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.

  Fav 1 413 666

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.

  Fav 1 142 321

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed

  Fav 1 171 81

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.

  Fav 0 84 6

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix

  (1-310): View more from California

  So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...

  Fav 0 7 34

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”

  Fav 0 42 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/

  Fav 0 11 42

  share tweet
  

Randomize