absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
