i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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