Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In other news, I just burned my penis
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
