Swine flu is the new snow day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
