Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
