You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
