Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
