So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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