Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
