he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
