Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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