why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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