So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
