i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
