she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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