Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
