You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
