the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
