I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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