What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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