I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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