i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
