Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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