He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
