So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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