He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
