Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
