The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
