Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
