I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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