There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
