I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize