i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
