I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
