so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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