So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
