you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize