I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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