we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish you could order shots online.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
