New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found your dick twin last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
