somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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