Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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