I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
