I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
