I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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