If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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