You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
