You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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