Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
