just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
