I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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