yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
