her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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