So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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