So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
