i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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