FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
