I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
