New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
